On a Limb

When you leave the place you spent most of your life -- the place where you have a history tying you to others -- when you find yourself surrounded by strangers, a realization hits you: friendship is ridiculously hard. Especially when you're starting from scratch.

At this point, you have to make a decision: either do nothing and take what life throws all by your lonesome self, or take a chance, put yourself out there, and possibly make the greatest friends you've ever had.

If you want to inhabit life, doing nothing isn't an option. What's needed, then, is a starting point.

First, talk to strangers.

This does not mean when a homeless man asks you for money, you ask him how he ended up on the streets and go on to tell him how you managed to dodge the streets and become a stock broker with multiple fancy cars and a home bigger than the White House.

Rather, converse with the barrista at your favorite coffee shop or with other people in line. Become a regular at a place you like and get to know the employees and other regulars. Find where people gather -- libraries, parks, etc. -- and join in.

Second, get involved.

Find community programs and benefits that interest you and join a couple. Make your existence known to the people you're living near. Stop being a fly on the wall. Start using your talents and skills to help others. Take time to get to know them in the process.

Friendship can't happen unless you have acquaintances, so make many acquaintances.

Third, take interest in others.

Your intentions can't be completely selfish. Yes, you want to be friends, but friendship is a two-way street. You can't expect a friendship to form and last if you don't care about the other person.

Once you've identified people you'd like to be friends with, demonstrate your interest by asking them about themselves. Start with the surface level, like hobbies and interests. As time passes and trust grows, you'll be able to go deeper and deal with the real stuff..

New friendship requires a willingness to go out on a limb without knowing whether the apple's good or rotten. But just as there are many fish in the pond, there are also many apples, limbs, and trees. In time, you'll be sure to pick a ripe one.

Just make sure they know you don't plan on biting.

Invest in Life

There is a reason you think. There is a reason your lungs soak up oxygen and your heart pumps blood through your veins.

Every day that you open your eyes is a day you can't start over. Don't waste it.

Take what you've been given -- time, resources, talents -- and invest in life.

You were not given a beating heart to accent a dull, tuneless life. Your heart is beating to join in the rhythm of the waves, add to the whistling of the wind, and play a part in the symphony of life that surrounds you.

Join in.

Take stock of what you have: 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Decide what's important to you. Start living.

Be the stone that starts the ripples -- not the boulder at the edge of the pond.

Step One: Evaluate your schedule and routine.

Map out your week hour by hour, marking what time is taken for work and other responsibilities and nonnegotiables. Plan specific times for other important things, like family and sleep. Note the empty spaces.

Step Two: Think through your interests and decide what to pursue.

Depending on your point in life, this may be very easy or very hard. If it's very hard, visit a library and venture into the non-fiction, Dewey-decimaled section. Look for Idiot's Guides to . . . well, everything.

Once you have a few ideas of what you'd like to try, evaluate your resources and choose what works with them. (Tip: Think creatively.) Work these things into three to five of your schedule's empty spaces.

Step Three: Leave some blanks.

In your schedule -- not on people's faces.

These remaining blanks are for extra time to yourself, with others, or in creative and enriching pursuits. No Facebook or World of Warcraft allowed.

If someone gives you a blank look, tell them you're avoiding a midlife crisis by exploring the adventure of life. Pay attention to their reaction and share it in a comment.