On a Limb

When you leave the place you spent most of your life -- the place where you have a history tying you to others -- when you find yourself surrounded by strangers, a realization hits you: friendship is ridiculously hard. Especially when you're starting from scratch.

At this point, you have to make a decision: either do nothing and take what life throws all by your lonesome self, or take a chance, put yourself out there, and possibly make the greatest friends you've ever had.

If you want to inhabit life, doing nothing isn't an option. What's needed, then, is a starting point.

First, talk to strangers.

This does not mean when a homeless man asks you for money, you ask him how he ended up on the streets and go on to tell him how you managed to dodge the streets and become a stock broker with multiple fancy cars and a home bigger than the White House.

Rather, converse with the barrista at your favorite coffee shop or with other people in line. Become a regular at a place you like and get to know the employees and other regulars. Find where people gather -- libraries, parks, etc. -- and join in.

Second, get involved.

Find community programs and benefits that interest you and join a couple. Make your existence known to the people you're living near. Stop being a fly on the wall. Start using your talents and skills to help others. Take time to get to know them in the process.

Friendship can't happen unless you have acquaintances, so make many acquaintances.

Third, take interest in others.

Your intentions can't be completely selfish. Yes, you want to be friends, but friendship is a two-way street. You can't expect a friendship to form and last if you don't care about the other person.

Once you've identified people you'd like to be friends with, demonstrate your interest by asking them about themselves. Start with the surface level, like hobbies and interests. As time passes and trust grows, you'll be able to go deeper and deal with the real stuff..

New friendship requires a willingness to go out on a limb without knowing whether the apple's good or rotten. But just as there are many fish in the pond, there are also many apples, limbs, and trees. In time, you'll be sure to pick a ripe one.

Just make sure they know you don't plan on biting.